How To Live In The Beilschmidt Family
by G. R. Beilschmidt
Summary: Gilbert educates the reader on how he managed to survive his family.
1. One

I was the kind of guy who loved to attend parties, and alcohol was a selling point for me. Damn, I loved a good beer after a bad day or after an exhausting one. Especially while at high school. I'd drink the stuff as much as I could, which is why I loved parties. They supplied the stuff and you didn't have to lie about anything or sneak it out or even pay at all. It was free, which made it great.

I guess I should tell you shit about myself. I'm the oldest of three boys with a drastic age gap in between all three of us. The middle child, Wilhelm, is five years younger than me, and looks a lot like our younger brother, Ludwig, who brings the age gap up a bit because I was eight at the time of his birth. This story takes place when I'm 19, Wilhelm is 14, and Ludwig is 11.

Hold on to your seats.

So, the bulk of this story relies on one fact I haven't told you yet, but I'll get to that later, because it's kind of embarrassing. I accepted an invite to a party at the end of the school day and then I rushed home, because it was a Friday, and I approve of those (I'm sure everyone does). I rushed upstairs, music blasting into my ears, because shit is real when I have my music going.

"Why? You're the loudest thing in the world some days, I swear."

Wilhelm, just on time. He stayed home all the time instead of going out or to school because he was often really sickly. But he was still sarcastic as hell and wasn't too close to me anymore at that point. But as a little kid, I was the only thing he paid attention to, to the point where I would have to tell him what Mutti and Vati were saying because he wouldn't listen to them. And then Mutti died giving birth to Ludwig, and it was just him, me, Wilhelm, and Vati. And Vati's a drunkard, so he was rarely ever around.

But Wilhelm would still talk to me, just to insult me or complain and vent about his illness. And our story just starts at one of those points.

"Shut up, Wilhelm," I blurted out, too busy being selfish (I didn't realise it at the time, of course). "I have somewhere to be in a few hours."

"Yeah, yeah. One of your stupid parties, I know." He sighed, gasping and holding his hands over his nose as blood started to pour out. I gently wrapped an arm around him and brought him to the bathroom, wetting a rag and making it damp and handing it to him to put on his nose.

"There we go. That ought to help." I sat next to him on the rim of the bathtub and wrapped an arm around him. He gently leaned his head on my right shoulder, and I began to pet him softly. "It's going to be okay."

"I hate being this way. I stopped school soon after I got into Intermediate simply because of other kids at school. Called me Germ Boy and retarded. A few kids were scared that they were going to catch whatever I had. I was always alone at lunch aside from all the teasing. And... you're the only one who's ever there for me. I fainted while I was walking into the living room once, and I woke up in the floor still despite the fact that Ludwig hadn't really moved off the couch. He didn't even bother to pick me up..."

I growled. My arschloch brother had ignored his older brother just because he felt like doing something else! "I'll murder him..." I whispered, growling under my breath. I stopped the second I felt Wilhelm's tiny, scarred hand place itself on top of mine.

"Don't be that way, Gilbert. Just because he was an ass the other day doesn't mean you need to be one to him. Two wrongs don't make a right, now, do they?" He uses his other hand to reach onto his pocket and pop something into his mouth. His medication to relieve his muscle spasm pain. My poor baby brother.

"Wilhelm, if two wrongs don't make a right, a wrong and a right make each other. What I'm saying is, of course, it's not right to hurt him in return for ignoring you, but it's not wrong to hurt him in return for him doing some terrible shit to you."

Wilhelm sighed. "If you must, Big brother."


	2. Two

I walked up to Ludwig. He had a bowl filled with little pieces of wurst and a fork, eating a piece every time he swallowed another. It was a continuous cycle that made me growl, because this might've been the exact same thing he was doing when Wilhelm passed out and was completely ignored. No doubt he heard the thud. No doubt he was willingly ignoring his older brother. He didn't care... and that pissed me off.

"LUDWIG!!!!"

Ludwig turned, shoving another piece of wurst into his mouth and chewing a little slower. "Ja?"

I didn't even bother to talk or give him some sort of explanation. I just punched him in the gut as hard as my fists could manage. He spit out whatever wurst was in his mouth, choking on a piece. I was hoping he wasn't going to throw up, or I was in even deeper shit than I already would be once Vati sobered up and was told about this fight by Ludwig the Arschloch. And it would be my luck that he soon began to puke.

Ludwig growled, coming at me with a left hook. I screamed in pain, attempting to kick him in the balls, but I missed and got my fair share of kick-in-the-balls. I shoved Ludwig against the wall, but he retaliated by lifting his foot and kicking my knee from behind. That obviously gave me a shit-ton of pain, so I let go of him to hold my knee. I'd find that to be a mistake, as he began to beat up on me.

Ja, laugh all you want, that I was 19 and took a terrible beating from an 11 year old, but Ludwig was a strong boy from the start, and I was rather lanky from the start. When it comes to strength, Wilhelm and I are on the shallow end of the gene pool. And then there's Ludwig. Swimming in the 3 metre section, doing all kinds of tricks and bragging about it.

So, after about half an hour, Ludwig had stopped beating me up and went back to his wurst. I wasn't too much of a mess, but I was indeed one. I rushed to the bathroom, where Wilhelm still sat on the rim of the bathtub.

"Big brother? Are you okay?"

I didn't turn around to respond; I didn't want to worry him. "I'm fine, Wilhelm. But I think Ludwig's learned his lesson."

xXx

About half an hour after that, Vati came home. He was stumbling and giggling, and we all knew where he had come from, as if we hadn't gotten used to this by now. Ludwig turned off the TV and rushed upstairs. Wilhelm ran into mine and his room and I rushed after him. We all made sure the doors weren't locked, so as not to piss off Vati if he tried to get into the room, but we all pretended to be asleep. I smiled once I realised that Wilhelm's acting had come to be the real deal.

A text message came through on my phone from Ludwig. _Status update?_

I looked outside the door. Vati was unconscious on the couch, a beer bottle in his right hand and his left arm was tossed onto the back of the couch. Overall, he looked drunk.

 _Sleeping on couch_

 _Is coast clear_

 _What do you think_

 _No living room_

He sent me a thumbs-up and I heard his door open quietly and the footsteps. But I wasn't leaving Wilhelm. Not when he was asleep and sick and Vati had come home drunk and then proceeded to get drunker. We couldn't stand this anymore, and we wanted this terrible way of living to end.

And then, I wished I hadn't thought that.


	3. Three

After that day, we all went to bed (I didn't mind missing that damn party; my little brothers come before me), and Vati was still out cold on the couch, beer bottles surrounding him with one in hand. Wilhelm was so scared now that he knew the hangover would come that he asked to sleep in my bed, and I couldn't turn him down. We cuddled all night and he was like a little teddy bear, and every time I glanced over at him, whether he was awake or not, he was smiling. I loved him so much, and I know he loved me too. And I couldn't help but kiss his forehead every now and then to show him that.

The next day, Ludwig was the first to come downstairs (as he always is, and I could hear him like I always do), but he rushed straight into my room, unable to let any words escape his mouth. I already had a feeling what had happened, so rushed downstairs carefully, as Wilhelm was still asleep in my arms (however I could carry him but not Ludwig was unknown to me, but I think that's because he was severely underweight and he couldn't get to a normal weight no matter how hard he tried). To my shock, Vati was still in the same position he had been in yesterday, with the beer bottles everywhere and the one in his hand, no beer having left the bottle at all. I laid Wilhelm down in the soft rocking chair on the other side of the room and checked to see if Vati had a pulse or if he was breathing.

Nothing.

Vati had died of alcohol poisoning. I blamed myself more than anything because I had wished for our way of living to end. I thought that meant that Vati would get treatment for his addiction, not that he would become so full of beer that his system just plain out give up on him and cause him to die. I looked over at Wilhelm and Ludwig. Ludwig was sitting on the floor, tears clouding his vision. Wilhelm was still asleep. I had to tell Ludwig the truth, but I had to keep him quiet and figure out how to tell Wilhelm. He may have been scared of Vati as much as Ludwig and I were, but he was still the best person in the world when he wasn't drunk and we loved him with all our hearts. the worst part of this was that both Mutti and Vati were now dead. there was nowhere for us to go; we were now orphans. They would probably separate us if we were sent to a foster home, and if we decided to go to an orphanage, there would be little to no chance that we would all be adopted by the same person. And I doubt anyone, even an orphanage, would except Wilhelm because he was so sickly and required so much medication and treatment.

Also, I had my driver's license, but Wilhelm didn't even have his learner's permit and Ludwig wasn't old enough to take either test. Wilhelm and Ludwig would normally come home on a school bus, but I came home later than they did, and the door would be locked. I didn't want them to wait an entire hour on the porch for me, especially considering that there was probably a serial killer or a rapist or a paedophile somewhere in the neighbourhood that we hadn't found out and I didn't want either of my brothers to be hurt or taken. Also, I couldn't leave school early without a parent's note, and since we were out of parents, the only option was for me to stop going to school entirely or for all of us to stop.

I chose the latter option.

xXx

"Big brother? Where do we go now?"

I wish I could've answered Wilhelm, but I couldn't. He was sitting next to me in the passenger's seat while Ludwig was in the back, playing something on his phone. Wilhelm was laying his head on my shoulder, and I didn't mind, especially because he had a muscle spasm lozenge in his mouth and a tissue pressed to his bleeding nose. I stopped at the red light with a sigh, a lightbulb coming to my mind just then. "I know just where we're going, Will." As the light turned green, I also took a turn- a right one- instead of going straight ahead to the orphanage like I was planning.

"Where, brother?" He tossed the napkin into a small empty fast food bag in the floorboard and grabbed another, pressing it to his nose. Just as he started to blow his nose a bit, I pulled into the driveway of a house I knew very well.

"A friend's place." I smiled softly.

Wilhelm smiled gently as I saw Ludwig look up from his phone through my rearview mirror. His bored expression turn to an excited one as he saw someone peek out the front door. "Feliciano!" I sighed as his older brother came out at the same time.

"Yeah. A little nemisis of mine, too. Let's go." And I opened my car door slowly.


	4. Four

To talk about the Vargas family is hard. You can't describe them in one word.

When we walked in, I can say that every one of the three siblings was surprised to see us. There was the oldest, Lovino, who was 19 at the time and hated me with a burning passion. Feliciano was the middle child and was just a year older than Ludwig, so they went to the same school and knew each other very well. The youngest was Romeo, who came out waddling on his two little feet because was about three at the time, but he hadn't hit that mark yet. When we walked in, Lovino gave me the death stare as I watched Ludwig follow Feliciano up to his room, as the little Vargas was offering video games. Wilhelm was playing pattycake with Romeo, and both of them seemed happy. Wilhelm loved children, so this was good for him, especially to help him get his mind off his illness.

Then there was their father, Romulus. He was about the same age as Vati had been when he passed away and was a very strange sort of a man. For one, the second we came in, he offered everyone wine. Feliciano, Lovino, and I all accepted, but I wouldn't let Ludwig or Wilhelm have any because they were too little (although Feliciano got a shot glass instead of the large wine glasses that the rest of us got). At least I got some alcohol, even if it wasn't the beer I wanted. Now that I think about it, I guess I could've gotten Vati's beer from the house before I drove away... but I don't think I should have, and I'm very glad I didn't because I could have ended up just like Vati if I did. Anyway, as I sipped the wine that Romulus gave me, I noticed that Lovino was still glaring at me, so I looked up at him instead of glaring back, which was a much better idea.

"What?" I asked softly, not wanting to alert anyone else. I wasn't trying to hateful, either, mostly because I didn't want Lovino to be hateful in return.

But, that's exactly what he did. "DON'T ASK ME 'WHAT'! I'LL ASK YOU! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!"

I really wanted to retort, and I opened my mouth to do so before Romulus came in. He took Lovino's wine glass and drank it in one go, sitting it down on a side table and lecturing Lovino. I couldn't understand a thing he was saying because it was all in Italian, but they were shouting at each other before Romulus shouted something that sounded like "vie Nella to a stanza" and Lovino responded with something like "vaff an coolo". Romulus shouted "sty zit a vie Nella to a stanza" and Lovino stormed upstairs. I was already pissed off at Lovino, but now I was pissed off at myself for deciding to come here.

* * *

Conversation in Italian:

Romulus: "Vie nella tua stanza!" (Go to your room!)  
Lovino: "Vaffanculo!" (Fuck off!)  
Romulus: "Stai zitto e vai nella tua stanza!" (Shut up and go to your room!)


End file.
